User friendly

The last church that I attended regularly was a seeker friendly church. I always want to say 'user friendly', but I really don't know if these churches are user friendly. I attended that church off and on for well over two years, but still felt completely invisible. I had signed up to be a greeter and to help with the youth group, but never got a call back on either. I was in all the women's bible studies, but the women in them would barely say 'hi' on Sunday mornings. I realise that I am a little edgy with my pierced nose and sometimes abnormal hair style. I have sometimes blamed my appearance on the lack of response to my attempts at community involvement in the church. I also am not a couple (my husband does not attend church). There seem to be a few categories in churches: Young Married Couples, Singles, College Age, Divorced, Couples with children, Couples w/out children, (I'm sure I'm missing some). Many of these people have groups that they belong to. Being a married-working-mother with a non-church-going-husband, there was no real group for me, other than women's bible studies, which were full of single women who grouped together, and married women (couples) who would get together with other couples.

I worked overnights on Saturdays and would pack up my two three year old twin boys and go to church Sunday mornings. After a long week of working overnights and taking care of my boys during the day, I was pretty tired. Shane's schedule varies and usually my sleep time was minimal. One of the nursery workers questioned if I had been using drugs. I know that my eyes were a little blood shot, and I usually looked like I worked all night (because I did), but I was slightly irritated by the suggestion. (I have NEVER used drugs, unless you count the occasional cigarette in high school, the less than a dozen times I've been intoxicated by alcohol consumption, or my frequent use of coffee.) When I told him that I worked overnights he gave me a look that showed he did not believe a word I said.

It was here that I met another pastor's wife. We got to know each other a little bit while doing some painting in the church. She was new to the area and silly me, I thought, hey I should invite her out for coffee. She seemed VERY excited to go out. So I called her a few times, leaving messages, and then we talked at church and set up a date to meet in the early morning, right after I got home from work. I found a babysitter. She said to call her that morning to decide where to meet. I called that morning, no answer, left a message. I had a babysitter at my house and was too embarrassed to say that my plans weren't working out when I didn't get a call back. So I went out by myself. She never really talked to me again. She'd wave and say 'hi' and then turn to talk to someone else or look busy.

This church had attendance cards that we filled out every week. I made it to church pretty regularly. During the membership class one person asked why we had to fill those out every week. The pastor said that he uses those to follow up on people that have been attending for awhile and then haven't been at church for more than six weeks. I quit going to church there when Carrera was about a month old. About a year later I got an e-mail from the pastor saying that they missed me. After a year?

I had a single positive experience at this church: when Carrera was born some women from the church brought over meals for us. I appreciated those meals VERY much!!

I quit going to the church for two reasons. The first and primary reason was because I did not feel good about myself going there. I was sick of being invisible. And secondly because of the emergence of a bad reputation and gossip which admittedly was true about me, and so therefore was partially my own fault. That is a story I will save, and keep to myself. Although I learned a little bit about how the gossip train works in user friendly churches (or perhaps in all churches). And this may be why the pastor took so long to e-mail me that I had been missed.