The Beginnings of Doubt

Over time I've developed unrelenting doubt in Christianity; partially the result of noticing inconsistencies and illogical ideas within the religion.

For instance I was told that if you commit suicide that you would go to hell because you wouldn’t have time to repent of that sin. Which made me psycho about trying to remember every little sin and repenting just in case I would die and have not repented. Over time this turned into a clause at the end of my prayers that went something like “...and please forgive me for all the sins that I can’t remember or don’t know are sins” and then came to add “Please forgive me for all my sins that I may commit tomorrow, because I may forget to confess them.” As I got older I realized that perhaps God forgives ALL our sins at the moment of our salvation and therefore suicides would go to heaven. And all this time I have been wasting my prayers; prayers that were all spoken out of fear. And in case you haven't heard: Fear is the opposite of faith.
Or how about the crazy idea that Catholics aren’t Christians, and therefore are going to hell (hell is another subject that I am uncertain about). What does it really take to ‘get to heaven’ (which seems to be the primary goal of Christians, because it definitely is NOT loving others)? Is it some silly prayer we recite at the front alter of a church, or just belief in Jesus? If it is belief in Jesus, does that mean that those people who carry “Jesus hates fags” signs will be in heaven too? Which immediately brings up the question: “Do I want to be in heaven with these people?” I’d rather be in hell with the fags. 

How come getting pregnant out of wedlock is a sin, but the church only views it as a sin for the woman? Why is it that mens' sexual sins are blamed on the way women dress or act? Why is drinking alcohol a sin when the bible states that Jesus drank (Mat 11:19; Luk 7:34)? What was in that holy grail? Why is it okay to be gluttonous, or even joke about it, but homosexuality is never okay, even in jest? Why do Christians overlook the needy? Are Jesus' teachings really consistent with those of the Old Testament?

The questions could go on and on and on, but the reality is that there are obvious inconsistencies and the Christian church has really made their own decisions about sin, while often disregarding the actual bible itself.