Positive Purpose

I haven't blogged in awhile on this Blog because I really felt like my reasons for questioning faith and moving on from religion no longer were all that important.

The fact is that I am who I am today. I love who I am today. I feel that I am real. I make choices that I can live with.

I wrote in April 2009 that bad experiences caused me question Christianity and religion, but the bad experiences haven't been what has been leading me closer towards atheism. That is even more truthful today. The more of life that I live, the more religion is obsolete in my life. I just don't need it. It would serve no positive purpose in my life.

My morals are defined by what I perceive to be right or good, and they come from sincerity of heart, not a book of rules. Actions or attitudes that I define as good are those that create happiness, unity and do no harm to the earth and any of its inhabitants.

Monday Morals (vs. Sunday Morals).

Thinking about morals.

I am not a "church goer" and never will be again. I've met my fair share of people in churches with a lack of morals (esp. consistent morals).

Which leads me to consider the consistency of MY morals. I separated my morals from religion a few years ago and found that they became stronger. When my morals were based on a set of rules outside of myself they were easier to bend. Now that they are internal and based on what I REALLY believe is right they are concrete and consistent.

So what do we do when our morals conflict with other people's morals?
Like white-lies. A lot of people have no problem with white-lies. Do I? The hard thing about bending morals, like with white-lies, is the definition of a white-lie. When does a white-lie cease to be white. Is the omission of details or being polite a white-lie. When I tell my kids to say "no thanks" instead of "I hate fish! Yuck!" am I teaching them it is ok to lie?

I hate lies, even white-ones. If I could rewrite common courtesies there would be no lying involved.

So is it my job to push my morals onto others? If my daycare mom wants to tell her work that her kids are sick so she can stay home, am I supposed to care and judge HER morals? I don't think so. But then we are looking at another undefined line. If someone were abusing their child I would intervene, but not lying to their employer. Perhaps it depends on the moral.

Fed up

For the second time ever, I had an old friend send me a message on Facebook wondering how my beliefs had changed from such a strong Christian to Buddhism. I don't claim Buddhism as my religion, but I practice meditation and agree with many Buddhist teachings, so I guess it may be close to my life philosophy.

How? How did it change?

I really DON'T know how to answer that, except maybe to say "I got fed up with it all."

Preaching in Restaurants

One of my least favorite memories of all times is cohorts preaching in restaurants. Ok, nothing is so embarrassing as being in a restaurant and having someone in your group stand up and start preaching to the people in the restaurant. I almost can't even write about it...

Why would God want you to stand up, embarrass yourself and your group, irritate the whole restaurant, and make Christians look crazy!? If there was one person in the restaurant that needed to 'hear the good news' then why wouldn't God just send you to that table?

The Mother.

I had MANY prophesies said over me in bible school that I would be a mother in the natural and the supernatural; that I would be a mother to children that were not my biological kids. As a child care provider I have become just that. I am a second mother to eight kids (eight wonderful kids), and also to my own three biological kids.

I spout these days that I don't put much stock into prophesy, but there is something about prophesy that I find intriguing. Perhaps it is the times that prophesies have been right. I don't think that prophets are making things up or guessing correctly. I (currently) believe that they have a deeper intuition than the average person. I myself am a people reader and I am very intuitive. Would I call myself a prophet? NO WAY! But one of the gifts of my personality is people reading skills. I think that prophets are people with those intuitive skills. Is that a supernatural gift? Not in the common way we think about supernatural. I think it is the result of evolution. It is a gift or skill that some of us have adapted.

Does "God" speak?

People often claim that God speaks to them. Sometimes this is a public thing, like a prophet or prophesy, or sometimes it is more private and intimate, like in prayer. There were lots of girls in bible school with me who heard God tell them who they were going to marry. Three of them told me that God had told them they were going to marry the same one guy. Well God, unless one man can have three wives, that ain't happenin'. He didn't marry any of them.

What is this "God voice"? I have pondered this one before. There were times in the past when I thought I heard God directing me. I look back and think that the choices I made were really good choices because they made me who I am today. Would God direct me to make the choices that would lead me so close to atheism; choices that have led me away from Christianity? Did I really hear God's voice, or was it my own voice?

This all reminds me of the movie SAVED. The hardest part of watching that movie was the realization that it was a comedy yet really hit close to the reality of the Christian system. If you haven't seen it, you may be interested. It is a little enlightening I think.

Fairies & Wood Nymphs

Driving down through my neighborhood this evening, bringing the kids to t-ball... Ok, I know, t-ball, what the hell are MY kids doing in t-ball? I try to play the part - I wore a t-shirt and hoodie (stopped short of wearing a cap - yuck). Neither I nor my husband are fans of competitive sports and would prefer our kids be in band or drama camp, but you gotta let them try it all out, right? ...so back to the driving (Well, Shane, the husband, was driving actually.) And I thought to myself: "I want to believe in a god." And truly I do. Every part of my heart and passion for nature and freedom and love and truth wants to BELIEVE. But every part of me that stands for truth and freedom and love just simply can't do it. At least I can't believe in any god that I have read about. Can I believe that there is a force in nature, separate from pain, allowing pain, yet guiding all of nature? Yes, I guess I could. But I cannot believe in a god that is a judge or a taker of sides. I, like most people, think that my political views and social views are RIGHT, and, as my husband would say "They are right." But I'm not really a believer in the whole right concept. I am coming to the realization that most people (I hope) base their beliefs on what they truly think is right based on their experience of the world. Ok, does the wife beater think that what he is dong is right? Maybe and maybe not. Does he justify it based on his experience? Probably. Can I judge his actions as wrong? I will, but... I hesitate here. I can empathize with a person stuck in a cycle. I can empathize with someone who doesn't know how to change. I could never hurt another person physically (unless in self-defense) but have I hurt my husband and even kids emotionally? Yes. Do I have regret? Yes. Can I change? I do and I am. What benefit would a god that judges be to a world like ours? I guess I'd rather believe in fairies and wood nymphs.